Minnie PC

I forgot to write Part II of my post about Minnie... Since my post about her was so long I didn't want to include a picture in that one. I think it's important to have one though.

This picture is so special. Minnie had a blast during Christmas and enjoyed every moment. She was so fun! All of our cats have enjoyed Christmas. I'm so glad she was able to be here for one more holiday season. I will always cherish this picture because its the last one with Minnie, my sister and me. I'm very thankful we thought to take this!

It's amazing how looking at a picture you can immediately transfer yourself to that time. This is definitely one of those memories. I can feel myself sitting next to my sister, touching Minnie's fur and smiling at the camera. I remember it so well. Crazy how that is...

We always loved you Minnie and we will never forget you. You were a special kitty, my precious beach souvenir (we got her 13.5 years ago from Pacific City, hence the full name), and snuggle bunny. I hope you're happy and enjoying being with your furry sisters.

Minnie PC

1997-2011

The Paw Prints on my Heart

What we once have enjoyed we can never lose; all that we love deeply, becomes a part of us. --Helen Keller

I guess I have put off writing about this long enough. Subconsciously, it's been nice to not write because that way I don't have to accept the reality... But that's not a healthy way to live and writing is a good way to process my feelings.

So with that said, on January 10th we learned that Minnie's cancer was not treatable and that it had spread. Because of that news, we had to put her down that day. Since then I haven't felt like things have been the same since, which of course, they aren't.

I may seem melodramatic or overdoing this event that has happened in my life, but I don't feel that I am. After all, I lost a little friend that I have had in my life for 13 years. She's been there for me for everything-- such a precious creature in God's amazing creation.

~

On the morning of the 10th, I had that awful feeling. I just knew that would be her last day... I had been up most of the night crying with Mom and loving on her. We could tell she was very uncomfortable, as she made multiple trips out to the litter box but could not produce anything.

That morning when I got up, she came and snuggled next to me... and I just got hysterical. I kept saying, "Don't go... I don't want you to go..." My sister was still sleeping but heard me and came in to comfort me. I was pretty much grasping for air at that point since I was crying so hard.

I don't remember all the details in the morning, but I know I was getting ready for work at that time. What I do remember though is the few minutes before I had to leave. I held Minnie for the longest time and talked to her. I told her that I loved her enough to let her go- as it wasn't fair to keep her if she wasn't comfortable... Whenever I stand in that spot in my room I can vividly recall holding her and feeling the weight of her in my arms... and the feel of her silky fur... and the sound of her gentle purring. It always feels like it was just yesterday that she was here.

I remember being in the kitchen getting my stuff to go and looking at the clock at 9:25. Minnie was wandering around the kitchen-- she was looking out the sliding glass doors to the backyard; watching the birds and wildlife. I remember thinking "Enjoy this Minnie, this could be your last time to see all of this..." Then as I was leaving to go out the back door, she briefly came outside... and I looked at her, knowing those would be last few looks at her. And then I turned the corner and headed to my car, crying all the way to work.

A part of me really wanted to believe everything would be okay and that her cancer was treatable. But unfortunately, I couldn't fight my intuition.

I didn't talk to my boss about what was going on nor acted much different. I did feel like I was in a fog all day and felt physically exhausted. I remember watching the clock because Minnie was supposed to be at the vet at 1pm. As I was organizing cards and helping customers, I watched every minute tick by...

At one point I looked at the register and it said "14:23" (2:23) and all in that moment, I nearly had a full blown panic attack. I felt this sharp pain through my chest-- an achy sensation. Kind of hard to explain really.

Ironically, that was about the time Minnie was put to sleep. When I was done with work, I checked my phone and had a few missed calls. My mom was in California that day for a meeting so that was also weird. Anyway, she had a very sad voicemail for me saying she had to make that horrible decision and hoped I wasn't mad at her. I called her back before leaving the parking lot... and in that odd winter light, under that clear crisp sky and wispy clouds... my mom and I sobbed and sobbed, missing our precious furry tortie.

I got home and cried with my sister-- feeling surrounded by the dead silence in the house. Such an odd sense of quiet. A feeling of something missing.

Later that evening, we were able to go over to our neighbor's and watch the BCS game with them. It was so nice to be in a different environment and to be with good friends. I feel very thankful for them to let us come over.

Before bed, my aunt checked in on us to see if we needed a hug. She gladly came down to comfort us and let us cry. She had actually been at the vet with my sister, dad, and my sister's boyfriend when it was time to put Minnie down. My mom had requested that she would be there for them and to sort of be in our place (as Mom and I couldn't be there). I am so blessed to have such a loving aunt.

~

And that's how that day was... Not a good way to start out 2011. Certainly very unexpected. But so many people have felt that way too-- on the 8th there was that horrible shooting on Tuscon. No one expected that either.

There's no way to make sense about death and why it's the only answer sometimes.. or why it's the unexpected thief. What we can know for sure and what I cling to are the memories. It's not the same-- I want her here more than anything. I miss her every day... I'll keep her beautiful songs, trills and meows in my heart and carry her memory with me always.

There Could Never Be Enough Time

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever. "

--Winnie the Pooh

I'm feeling pretty sad, worried, and anxious as I write tonight. Unfortunately, 2011 has started out not too nicely. While I certainly understand that this is not the worst thing in the world that could happen-- it still is important to me and affects me.

A couple of days ago, my little kitty, Minnie was having issues going to the bathroom. So we took her into the vet-- figuring it was just a case of bad constipation. Sometime after Minnie was cleared out the vet had time to look over her more thoroughly. Confirming my worst fear, the vet discovered cancer in her colon.

Tomorrow Minnie goes back to the vet to get looked at even more closely (they're doing an ultrasound). The visit tomorrow will tell us whether or not the tumor is treatable.

I am hoping beyond all hope that we can get it operated on. I can't imagine putting her down any day soon... it's so hard to even think about that... She is acting normal, her fur is beautiful and fluffy, she's generally happy (though you can tell she's a little uncomfortable), meowing all the time (as usual), and being her funny quirky self. I just can't imagine having to let her go now... but I also can't imagine her suffering either. A nightmare either way...

It's amazing how these little precious animals can become such a big part of the family. Animals make the best companions-- they're so faithful, loving, and consistent. They also know us better than we think... I won't forget the day when Granny fell down again. I was so sad and Minnie knew something was wrong. She was so sweet to let me hold her-- the exact kind of comfort that I needed.

I just hope that we have more time with her, my last cat. She's the last of the three that I have had in my life-- who I fondly call, "The Originals." I miss my other two kitties terribly. Just last year, on the 4th of July, we had to put down our kitty Chatty. Ugh... that was so sad.

I wish these animals could live longer, but even so a hundred years wouldn't be enough. I don't think there could ever be enough time with those that you love-- human or animal. Even a thousand years wouldn't be enough...

Hoping for good news tomorrow...

Blessings of the Week

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever" -- Winnie the Pooh

After a strange and difficult day on Sunday, I feel so blessed for the good parts of this week. Losing Chatty has also stirred up the sadness I feel about family members I have lost in the past: Papa and Kasey. I miss them all so much-- I carry the memories of them always. It's just so hard when people or pets pass on; knowing that you won't see them again in this life. A lifetime simply isn't enough with those that we love. With that said, I am so grateful to believe in what I do-- it gives me hope and peace. Heaven is a real place.

As Janelle said, the house does feel empty when you lose a pet. Though we still have Minnie, it's just not the same. I feel sad when I pass by Chatty's chair and she's not there. It's weird not hearing her come through the cat door with her nails clinking on the kitchen floor. The mornings are also very quiet- Chatty would meow loudly at mom for her food. She always made sure Mom was on schedule to feed her! Speaking of feeding times, it's also very strange for me to only feed one cat. I had such a routine with both kitties! Ahhh... adjustments are not easy, especially sad ones.

On a much brighter note, I want to list out the blessings and joys of this week:

** Gorgeous weather! Blue skies, sunshine and heat heat heat! Forecast is true summer weather all week! **

Monday: "Coffee" (tea for me) with my dear friend Joy. I don't get to see her very often so when I do I cherish the moments together. What I love most about getting together with Joy is that we can start from where we left off. In the afternoon, I went grocery shopping with mom and saw a student (Harley) from my mentor's class. It was so fun to see him and his family! They are such nice people.

Tuesday: My car had an issue that was able to get fixed. Wonderful part is that since we do most of our maintenance with the Honda shop they rewarded us. We didn't have to pay for the repair at all! Nothing like getting a bill that says "You owe: $ 0.00"

Wednesday (today): Janelle and I went to see the movie "Eclipse," the 3rd in the Twilight Saga. Unfortunately, it was not that good of a movie. I was kind of disappointed because I liked that book the most... but then again, low-quality writing leads to low-quality movies. I personally think they would be better without the Bella actress. haha Oh yes, after watching the movie we went to the frozen yogurt place by her apartments. Perfect for a 90+ degree day!

Thursday: Though the day hasn't happened yet I will be hanging out with Jennifer. I can't wait! *Plans changed due to cell phone issues. For some reason the messages and calls didn't register on Jennifer's phone (AT&T must've had problems). Since I didn't hear from her I worked on a letter for the "Summer of Mail Love." Later in the day I got together with Janelle and went to Michael's so I could pick up a few things. Good day! :)

Friday: Also hasn't happened yet but the plans are to spend time with my neighbor Nancy and her friend Mary. We're going back to the Lavender Farm in Helvetia (for the Oregon Lavender Festival). I'm excited!

Independence Day

Well, this year's 4th of July will always be memorable. Not in a pleasant way, however. This past week my oldest cat's health dramatically declined. She's been slowly going downhill for awhile, but this past week she just got worse. Unfortunately, this all occurred while Mom, Granny, and I were at the beach. I feel awful for not being here for my kitty Chatty in her last few days.

When my sister updated us on her condition on Thursday I felt so anxious and panicky-- like the feeling of "I have to get to my cat." Thankfully, Chatty was able to hold on enough so that we could give her a proper send-off yesterday. I can't tell you how horrendous it was to come home to see my cat laying so weird on the floor of my bedroom and hardly breathing. When I saw her I immediately broke down crying and stroked her fur.

My aunt Maxine told us about an emergency vet in Tualatin where we took her to be put to rest. It was not easy having to pack her up in the carrier and have to drive her all the way over there. I'm thankful though that the people were extremely gentle with her. The doctor that euthanized her was so kind and comforting. Chatty left this world peacefully.

Chatty was a special kitty-- she came to our house during a very cold winter about 18 years ago. Chatty basically showed up on our back porch and refused to leave! Mom tried to scare her away but she didn't leave. After a few days mom gave her some food and water, hoping that would keep her satisfied. However, she still wanted a home. We were a little weary of the idea of having another cat because we already had one, Kasey (at that time she was about a year old). I remember sitting in the back room and discussing whether or not to let Chatty live with us. We all felt terrible about having her out in the cold. The answer to take her in was unanimous: yes!

We had our ups and downs with Chatty in the beginning because she was a farel cat. It took her awhile to get used to the domestic lifestyle. She never did become a lap-cat but she was always a faithful greeter in the utility room. When she wanted to, she would come and hang out in the house. During Christmas her favorite place was under the Christmas tree. Oh how she loved the Christmas tree! I'm so glad she got to enjoy it this last Christmas.

(Christmas 2009)

To sum up Chatty's life, the word humble is appropriate. Chatty lived a very simple life-- all she ever wanted was a home, a place to call her own. She didn't ask for much, just some love and a roof over her head. She also was so sweet to Kasey when she got ill. Chatty was truly the "nurse cat." When Kasey's health declined she stayed by her side- I will never forget that sweet gentle spirit. I hope that Kasey and Chatty are enjoying their sweet reunion :)

While to some this may seem "overboard" on writing about a cat... but she wasn't just a cat, she was a family member and a friend. She will always have a special place in my heart.

"For the life of every living thing is in His hand, and the breath of all humanity." (Job 12:10)