Changes Ahead

As I sit here I am listening to the swaying trees and swirling leaves rustle around outside. Grateful that the house is filled with light from the sunshine. Today truly feels like Fall. 

This windy change in weather makes me a bit apprehensive, however. While I might sound crazy -- I feel these distinct days are a sign of future changes in life. There have been several times in my life where the weather has changed suddenly (typically blustery and/or stormy) and I feel it in my core: something is not going to be the same in the near future. And it does. Most notably was my breakup with my first boyfriend in 2007. Around that time there was gusty, cold, dark and gray weather. As the wind blew all around me, I felt like life was chaotic just as the weather was then. My intuition was right in knowing life wasn't going to be the same.

Unlike that time, today is not dark and dreary but it feels bittersweet. While I could be wrong (I hope that I am), my intuition is alerting me again. Why? My boyfriend's father is getting a biopsy on a lung this afternoon. I feel somewhat hopeful but yet worried all at the same time. After what we have been through this summer, I know so well how fast everything can change. It's like sand. You can hold those minuscule particles tightly in the palm of your hand, but at some point a few start to fall through the cracks of your fingers... then a few more...That sense of security/stability can be gone within a matter of weeks. What can be so close to us can be gone ever so quickly. We have so little control on what happens to us and others. With that said, my heart is a bit heavy today.

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On another note of change...

Here it is: I am thinking of a new direction in the education field. Several months ago, a doctor of speech pathology gave a presentation to a class a I was in. Ever since then I have not been able to stop thinking about that profession. Of course, these thoughts come at the end of my nearly completed Master's degree in Education (which has skyrocked my debt - just found out how much I owe the 'gov munt' yesterday)... 

The truth is, I feel like I don't belong in the mainstream public education classroom. After 2+ years of subbing, I have found that the mainstream room is confining. Don't get me wrong, I do love teaching and I love children but I lack passion in both in the public system. There is a lot of good that goes on, but I also see so many areas that aren't right. I also have found that I prefer to work with specific groups of children versus a variety. I think that is what led me to getting my ESOL endorsement. I discovered how much I enjoyed helping ELLs and see a real need to advocate for them. When I did my ESOL practicum, I felt a new sense of joy and passion for teaching, which I had nearly lost. I would love to my own ELL classroom and maybe someday I will. Next year if I am lucky.

Along with my love of ELL students, I have become curious about speech. Here's a fun fact about me: I am obsessed with people's mouths. My intermediate family knows this -- and I probably gained interest in mouths due to my sister (I love her cute way of talking, she has a unique emphasis on the /s/ and /ch/ sounds). When I watch TV or meet people anywhere, I am quite observant with how they talk and produce sounds. I love the different shapes of mouths, the way teeth can be arranged, and the physical aspect of how speech is created. 

Where does all this leave me then? Well, if I do decide to go for my Master's in SLP I will have to commit to about 3 years of schooling. I have looked at two universities (one being where I am going now) and there is much work to be done. It would challenge me in all kinds of ways. However, I have a decent amount of debt to pay as it is and more schooling = more debt. 

Since I am still in the deciding phase, I am doing what I can to get information from professionals to see if it is  something I want to pursue. I contacted a SLP that I know at a school and am hoping she will allow me to observe her. So.... we shall see where all this leads me. 

A near-future goal is to get some sort of full time job (even temporary, 6 months would be great) and work hard at paying down my debt. What kind of a job, who knows. I am hoping to sub as much as possible this year but am pretty sure this year will not be as lucrative. Basically, life is TBD. As usual though, right?! 

All I know is that my heart has changed towards education and I need to be enthusiastic about what I do. I want to help kids in some way shape or form. I'm glad that my feelings there haven't changed. I just hope that whatever I do, I am happy doing it because kids need as much positive input as possible. 

So, those are the thoughts on my mind on this Fall day. A heavy heart and a mind full of thoughts. I'm going to take a cue from the sunshine and have hope.

Mid-Year Check Point on 2012 Goals

Technically, I should have done this post on June 1st as that was really the mid-year check point.... but technicalities aside, this works. I had to laugh when I saw that Bonnie at Going Home to Roost was thinking the same thing (this link will take you to her post). She posted her mid-point check recently and it was fun to see her progress. I feel like I have been doing fairly well in some areas and need to worker harder in others.

:: Goals for this year ::

1. Faith : Spend time reading the Bible and attend a few church services. -- I was fairly good at reading the Bible for 40 days of Lent but haven't done a good job of continuing that lately. 


2. Finances: Be mindful of money that is spent; be careful not to spend lots of money on little things that add up. Save as much as possible! -- There have been lots of unplanned expenses lately and I think I would do better if I wrote down everything. 

3. Giving: Donate to causes/ charities during the year. -- I need to get on this one! I would like to donate to Dinner & A Movie, CAT (Cat Adoption Team - where I got my one kitty), a charity for soldiers/veterans and maybe one or two others. 

4. Personal Style (somewhat funny to list this after the above goals, I know): Improve my wardrobe while being reasonable financially and sensible based on weather patterns in the PNW. If choosing to buy clothes, I will do so thoughtfully. -- Doing much better on this and I have been creative using new items with clothes I already have. Keep it up!

5. Health and Fitness: Try a variety of healthy foods and recipes. Make physical activity more of a priority- find some activity to enjoy consistently. -- Actually, on the food part, I am doing very well. I still have a bad bad habit of not eating lunch too often but I am trying. I also recently signed up for Zumba again and have that class tonight! I am looking forward to it!

6. Literacy: Read more than I did last year! (won't be hard lol) I have a giant stack of books on my nightstand. -- Now that school has settled down I can do this more. I just don't have the interest in reading much when I have school work. Unfortunately, that's just how my brain works! I've got a giant stack of good books on my nightstand and I'll be digging into them.

~

Big challenge of the year (and really my life): Seek the goodness in commitment. Learn how to make commitment positive, try to be less fearful of the word and its meaning. Try committing to something - even if it is small. Just try. -- Ironically, this is the one goal where I have made the most progress! While I am a bit 'gray scaled' on the others, I feel I have made leaps and bounds in meeting this goal. Being that it is a difficult one for me, it feels great to have grown so much. I have decided to fully enjoy my relationship with Brian. We have a wonderful relationship and it feels so good to now have our family be a part of it; I think that has helped me to be less fearful of commitment. I think if a relationship is healthy it should be shared with those you love and should include people most important to you. There is nothing better than having the support of those you love, support the one you love! Oh goodness, I sound mushy... haha Forgive me ;-) I just feel very happy and relieved in so many ways. 


How are your goals coming along? Where do you need to improve or continue good work? 

Goals for 2012

Credit: Madden Photography, her shop at Etsy

Now that I have looked back on 2011, I would like to set some goals for this year. I am not one for New Years resolutions, I think goal setting is a better approach. Ironically, so I feel that the word resolutions has a negative connotation. Resolutions are made quickly and often given up within the first week (sometimes in less time than that!). When I think of goals, I think about the word adjustments as well and that seems more relaxed. There is a lot I would like to improve upon, but I am very aware about how random life can be. So, goals, it is...

~

1. Faith : Spend time reading the Bible and attend a few church services.


2. Finances: Be mindful of money that is spent; be careful not to spend lots of money on little things that add up. Save as much as possible!

3. Giving: Donate to causes/ charities during the year.

4. Personal Style (somewhat funny to list this after the above goals, I know): Improve my wardrobe while being reasonable financially and sensible based on weather patterns in the PNW. If choosing to buy clothes, I will do so thoughtfully.

5. Health and Fitness: Try a variety of healthy foods and recipes. Make physical activity more of a priority- find some activity to enjoy consistently.

6. Literacy: Read more than I did last year! (won't be hard lol) I have a giant stack of books on my nightstand.

~

Big challenge of the year (and really my life): Seek the goodness in commitment. Learn how to make commitment positive, try to be less fearful of the word and its meaning. Try committing to something - even if it is small. Just try.


Do you have goals for this year?!

Goals for New Schedule

Ever since I put in my two week notice I have been thinking about my new schedule. I'm excited for this change because it will allow me to get back to that thing called balance. Well, I may not ever achieve it but I might be a little better closer this time. ;-)

Since I will be working two nights per week, I will have more time of my own to control (that is the theory anyway!). I do plan on substituting as much as possible so that will affect things from time to time. However, I feel like I will be able to manage my time better because of how this part-time job will mesh with subbing.

So, one of my big goals is to exercise regularly. Unfortunately, I have cut that out of my life for far too long. I know it's important to be fit and I want it to be a part of my everyday routine. My hope is that once I'm able to get myself exercising regularly then whenever my schedule changes again I will be able to adjust easily. I think this problem was that I hadn't created a habit yet. When something becomes a habit, then you learn to incorporate into your lifestyle versus giving it up.

Speaking of exercising, I received a fun phone call from a neighbor-friend this morning. She said that the exercise studio near us is going to have an 8-week bellydance class. The studio is also having a deal too, $99 for the whole series. So that's about $12 per class. It's funny I cringe a little at spending that much money for an exercise class but then again, isn't getting healthy worth it? Plus I would be having fun with her and one of her friends. This is something we talked about several months ago and I wasn't able to do it because of my part-time job. 

I called the studio to check on the timing and then I also asked about their Zumba classes. I've heard good reviews on that exercise program and would like to try it one of these days. Once I figure out my work schedule then I'll see if I want to do one or both exercise classes.

Within this goal I also want to re-do the "Couch to 5k" running plan. I'm irritated at myself for quitting it when I was so close. I didn't make a conscious decision to quit, but I was sick for a good portion of October and then life got hectic... and then I left it in the dust. Time to try it again and make running a habit!

Another big goal for this new schedule is to increase the time I spend reading. So far this year I have read 3 books... not great considering it is May. Right now I'm working on The Help by Kathryn Stockett and am really enjoying it. Here are the books I've read this year:

• Born to Run by Christopher McDougall
• Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
• Leap of Faith: Memoirs of an Unexpected Life by Queen Noor (of Jordan)

I have a huge book list and it keeps growing. So I must spend more time reading, reading, reading! In this reading goal, I also need to make sure that I spend some quality time with the Bible. That's something I haven't done much of lately and know my spirit needs it.

Hmm.. so exercising and reading. I suppose I should add in writing/blogging. I would love to be a consistent blogger because (1) I love writing and (2) it is a great way to process feelings. Of course, I don't write about everything going on in my life but this is a good outlet for recording important events and thoughts.

Well I think those are all good goals for this change that's coming soon. I hope that adding these things into my life regularly will help me to be a more well-rounded individual. Exercising, reading, and writing/blogging are all good ways of growing intrapersonally and interpersonally.

Oh brother, I sound like I'm writing a paper now.... ;-)

Have a great day everyone!

Hopes for the New Year

I'm not really one for New Years Resolutions any more. In the past when I made them, like most of the population, I always failed to keep them. I remember one year as a kid, I made a list of three items on an index card and then taped it to my wall. Did I keep those resolutions? Honestly, no. I certainly tried for the month of January! haha

So instead of making resolutions, I am simply thinking of my hopes, goals, and dreams for this New Year. There's lots of changes I would like to make, but I know I probably won't accomplish all of them this year. Here's a list of things I would like to continue doing, do more of, or start:

*Read, read, read lots of books

*Be more diligent about reading the Bible

*Run more than I did last year

*Do at least one 5k race this year

*Take lots of pictures

*Be more active in the kitchen-- actually, cook or bake something (anything!)

*Save more money than I did last year

*Write in my journal more

*Sew a skirt with mom

*Get back into scrapbooking

*Enjoy the little things... take time to be immersed in nature and reflect on God's greatness

*Be more compassionate to those who have less than me

*Keep on substituting and enjoying teaching

*Remember that every customer I help is a fellow human being- whether they frustrate me, are incredibly mean, or the nicest of them all... remembering that they all have a story, hopes and dreams just like me.

*Continue to change over to more natural products & foods

*Find time to relax and just do nothing!

*Enjoy being a student and make meaningful connections with my classmates and professor

Yes, that's a big list but I don't feel like any of those things are impossible to achieve. They're all things that I can achieve or keep on doing. I think that should be the point of "resolutions." Why set yourself up for failure?

Having hopes for the New Year means that one understands there will be challenges and victories. There will always be ups and downs. So these expectations we set for ourselves should be positive. No sense in creating lofty goals that will only lead to disappointment later down the road. There's already too much negativity in the world as it is!

What are your hopes and dreams for 2011?

Hope it's a good year ahead for each and every one of you :)