Sort of Here

I don't even know when I blogged last. October 2012? I got busy, lost interest in this blog and also have been feeling more private with my life lately. In a sense, this blog has become a personal diary and anymore, I am feeling like less is more when it comes to the Internet. I've always been careful with what I say...but sometimes that holds me back from writing what I want. Truthfully, I may make this blog private and create a new one that doesn't focus so much on my personal life. Not sure but it is a thought.

So much has happened since I last wrote. Big things always seem to happen when I stop writing. Maybe that's the problem. haha

• Early November -- My 101 year old Granny was in the hospital for a blockage in her intestine. Since she was at a hospital nearby I was able to visit her frequently. Thankfully she recovered and is doing well. Whew!
• Presidential Election -- I was relieved to have that over with to say the least. However, it isn't the end of politics and there will always be bickering. *sigh* 

• December -- Busy time. Granny got moved closer to us. She has had a hard time transitioning, which I don't blame her. It has been great being able to see her frequently. I'm hoping she will be able to get more involved and get comfortable living in the retirement community. 
• GRADUATED, finally!!!!!!! On December 8th, 2012 I became a Master. Not a hooded one yet ;-) That comes in May. My Mom, Dad, Granny, my boyfriend and I had a good dinner at a favorite restaurant. I loved celebrating with all of them (wish my sister and her husband were there!) - I love small intimate celebrations. 
•  I will say it feels great to be done but there is much uncertainty ahead. I am ready to be done with subbing... So ready for a consistent schedule, consistent pay and room of my own. So with that said, towards late spring/summer I will be looking for jobs with a passion! 
• Christmas was very good but fast. My sister and her husband came down from WA to celebrate. They were here for about 4 days. We packed in lots of fun -- baking, going to Zoo Lights, watching Christmas movies and general laziness. I wish I could see them more often but I am grateful for the time that we have together.
• New Years Eve.... While some might think it was absolutely boring, I had a the best day! I spent a good majority of the afternoon shopping with my lovely friend Jennifer. We went to all kinds of stores. I lusted after many items in J. Crew and Nordstroms. I was pretty good at not going too overboard (the looming thought of paying for health insurance, along with student loans... and not getting many sub days certainly keeps you from going crazy with $). Anyway, then after our shopping adventure, I spent a relaxing afternoon with Brian... then mustered the strength to drive home around 8pm so I could hang out with Mom. We stayed up until 12, of course... and we had no choice as it sounded and looked like the 4th of July around here! Awesome low-key, no drama, filled with special people type of day!

This month

My goal this month is to create some sort of routine. I really feel out of place and like I'm on a never-ending vacation. I mean, it's nice buuuuut it certainly doesn't help with the finances. I do have a couple sub jobs lined up and hopefully I will get a few more. I need to also fix my resume, write a cover letter, continue helping dad with all kinds of things, and look for jobs. Oh, I also have some clothing items I am hoping to sell through Craigslist. I need to work on that too!

We shall see what this year holds.... The past two years have had lots of very lows and very highs. I'm feeling mixed about this year already. Just one day at a time, right?

Here's to another year of ups, downs, and a whole lot in between!

Currently

Ah... It has been two weeks since I last wrote on here. I have thought about writing several times, but at the same time just haven't felt like saying a whole lot. I've sort of been quiet online lately and I like it. Truthfully, I'm so-so on sharing my life through statuses and blog posts. I do like my privacy and also don't think that everything one thinks and does must be posted online either. I have been busy too in these past few weeks, which has been nice for a change since this subbing season is painfully slow. I've been collecting data for my action research report over the past two weeks and have what I need now in order to start writing the last few sections in my paper. It has been great being involved in my ESOL mentor's classroom; she always makes me excited about teaching and education. I wish I could team teach with her!

So what has been going on with life lately? For the most part, things have been pretty good. Since I don't feel like being overly creative right now I'm just going to make a list....

-- Happy happy news: My brother-in-law returned from deployment earlier this week. We are SO thankful to have him home safely. My sister is thoroughly enjoying having him home of course. She has been very strong through these past few months and their relationship has grown too. I can't wait to see both of them!

-- My boyfriend's medical test results came back quickly and he is fine. Thank goodness! I feel so relieved that he is healthy! So what happened over Labor Day weekend was not from anything serious. Whew.

-- Speaking of test results, I am pleased and relieved to say that my boyfriend's father does NOT have cancer in his lungs. So maybe my intuition was off that day or my feelings were for something else (gotta love the subconscious).

-- Received a post card from a soldier that I been writing to for awhile. A friend of my sister gave me his address because he was not getting much mail. Anyway, I was totally surprised when I opened my mailbox this week and found that! He told me how much he appreciated the support at home -- as it is horrible in Afghanistan  Seriously, anything we can do to help these men and women is needed. I can't imagine how strained they must be mentally and physically.

-- I am getting closer and closer to being done with this degree! Yay! December 8th is my last day; I give a presentation and then I am d-o-n-e!  (and when I say done, I mean until I can figure out the finances for the next degree..hahaha)

-- Still contemplating the SLP career. Hoping to do some observations next month.

-- I've started working out on a fairly consistent basis. My friend in AZ and I have come up with this plan to text each other after we have worked out as way to stay accountable and to not feel like we are on our own. This has been so helpful to me! Plus it is fun sharing workout ideas so it keeps my interest a lot more than if I were attempting to do this alone. My physical goals are to have more endurance and upper body strength. For now I am focusing on my arms -- love doing those workouts! I have used a few from Pinterest too. Once I get to 14 days of working out (not consecutive but just total) then I am allowing myself to buy one bottle of Julep nail polish. Monetary: yes. Motivation: it's helping!

-- Overall I have been good about not spending too much. Trying to save as much as I can right now and also because my dad's birthday is next month and Christmas is not too far away either. Everything adds up so I am trying to be more mindful of purchases.

-- Wondering what to do if subbing continues to be this slow. I'm not getting any calls and all but one sub job I am requested for is a full day, rest are half. I'm thinking of going to a temp agency to see if I could get some sort of data entry job (had a fabulous one five years ago for the summer). I really do need more income especially once I turn 26. Ah... it's only October so we will see what happens.

-- I'm happy about our Warrior football team having a 7-1 record. Unfortunately they lost last week. They have a game at home this Friday so hoping they can rally together and win!

-- Am loving that our house is all decorated for Fall! :) I put up the decorations this week and it has certainly made our home cozier. We have lights around the front window, mantel and in the kitchen window. The added light helps on the dreary days.

-- Loving Fall foods: stews and soups. Mmm... Actually, I eat soup year round so that isn't anything new but we just cook it more during this season and winter.

--Yes I still need to load a few more weeks of garden pictures. Gah, been terrible at that! I'll admit, I am feeling lazy about dealing with my pictures. I take so many that I overwhelm myself. haha Still have several more to load from summer onto Facebook. While people may enjoy seeing these pictures, I put them on here and FB primarily for myself. I like having a record of what has happened over the year(s).

-- A little part of me wants to start a fashion blog. No, not to get sponsors or have a thousand readers but as a way to improve my style... and it is fun being girly. I don't know when or if I will do this. Just a thought!

Think that is about all for now... I've covered several bases. Hope that you all are having a good Fall and October -- that or a good Spring depending on where you might be. :)

Like an Anchor (Part II)

To continue on with this roller coaster ride....

Down -- June to July: Unfortunately, in between and during the time I went with Brian to Spokane, my young kitty was not doing so well. She started having some serious issues and we could not figure out what was wrong with her. They came on suddenly and were "fixed" for a brief amount of time. We took her to our vet and an emergency vet twice -- neither could pinpoint the issue. So that was very stressful and sad! (Also I must note that I was doing summer school in the month of June; very exhausting time)

Down-- July: A dear family member had to go out of town for job purposes and will be gone for awhile. :(

Down-- July 22nd: On this day my mom had to get surgery for a hernia. Crazy thing, she was exercising in the early morning and soon after did not feel good at all. Her abdomen swelled up and we knew that it was most likely a hernia. She contacted her doctor and in the afternoon we headed to go to see her. Her doctor quickly set up a surgery appointment with a hospital downtown and by evening, Mom was in surgery. While it was a fairly hectic day I didn't worry too much. I knew that the surgery was routine and felt confident Mom was in good hands. Thankfully all turned out okay and her body has healed fine. Whew. (and last year about the same time she broke her wrist while on a walk with co-workers haha)

Up -- August: Took girl cat to an internist and he found out the problem quickly! Yippie! He found that she has Inflammatory Bowel Disease and it is treatable. So lots of money later.... haha Guess her 'formal name' has real meaning now: Coco Chanel. We love her dearly and are thrilled she is a healthy cat! That was a huge relief as we were leaving for SoCal soon.

Up-- mid August: On the 11th to the 17th I went with my mom and sister to Southern California. We went first for a cousin's wedding and then stayed to go to Disneyland, a Hollywood tour and to Universal Studios. This was certainly not a restful vacation but it was very enjoyable.

My cousin's wedding was a blast (the above picture is from that day) and a beautiful experience. I was able to take lots of good wedding pictures and loved being out in a true Southern California setting, a summer day in Newport Beach/Bay. It was also so good to see him happy -- he has been through quite a bit over the years and it's great that he has found someone he is compatible with.

Disneyland & tours were super fun too! Believe it or not but as a 25.5 year old, I had never been to Disneyland before. As a kid I had no interest in going (yeah yeah.. have been told I was 3 going on 21) and still haven't been too interested, but am so glad I had the opportunity. On the first day Mom and I rode 5 rides (mind you, that stayed mostly horizontal, I do not like actual roller coasters or scary rides): a carousel, It's a Small World, Jungle Ride, Mark Twain boat ride and Pirates of the Caribbean. Each night that we were in Anaheim we watched the Disneyland fireworks. For two nights we were at the actual park and saw how epic they were and then the last 2 nights we watched from our hotel. Loved, loved, loved the fireworks!  Oh and I did get to see Princess Ariel. I wasn't able to get my picture with her but I sure tried. The lil girl in me was happy anyhow. :)

Hollywood tour was awesome! That was a very long tour but I got to see so much: Hollywood Walk of Fame, "Kodak" Theater, Hard Rock Cafe LA, freeway ramp where the famous scene from "Speed" was filmed, Hollywood sign (from a distance but good view), Farmers Market at the Grove (where I shopped at Zara!! A Duchess of Cambridge store!), Rodeo Drive, Venice Beach (just like PDX but with less laws haha), and Santa Monica/ Pier (where I got to finally eat Pinkberry Fro Yo). Big big day!

Universal Studios was alright. It was a super hot day and very very crowded. Yes, I am thankful I went but it was just one of those "I'd rather be in the pool" days. I did go on the tram which was pretty interesting and got to see "Wisteria Lane" from "Desperate Housewives." That was really neat! The rest of the time I waited for Mom and Sarah while they went on some rides. I hung out at the City Street Mall area, which had lots of good stores. Then after awhile I wondered around Universal-- that gave me the chance to see Mr. Beans car from his "Holiday" movie. Love Mr. Bean! On the last part of the day I did watch Mom and Sarah on the Jurassic Park ride -- saw them at the end where they dropped a fast 84 ft. That was funny!

On that Friday we three parted ways.... I was sad to not be with my sis anymore but was so glad she had spent the week with us.

Down: Shortly after the trip we learned that Granny had not been doing too well. During the trip she had fallen (thankfully didn't hurt herself seriously) and then she fell again at her house. She had about a week or so of not being 'right.' While she is 101 it was still disturbing to have any of these issues occur and there is probably going to be a change of her living situation in the near future....

Up and then super steep Down-- August 23rd: After feeling good about completing a 5k with my mom at a work race I was looking forward to a relaxing evening at home with my feet up. However, in the evening my dad called and he didn't sound right. He asked me if I could come over and bring him to our house because he was feeling very exhausted and weak. Immediately, I felt like something was wrong and asked him a bunch of questions-- my first guess was a heart attack. In all honesty, I have been concerned about his health for the past 5 years. While I haven't wished for anything bad to happen, I have felt like there has been the potential. Anyhow, I got myself ready and went to his apartment...meanwhile, Mom was on the other side of town getting us dinner. When I got to his place I instantly knew we had to get help but I wasn't totally sure what to do. What sold it for me was his droopy face on one side -- a stroke. He didn't have good balance, he slurred and he seemed 'off' cognitively. When I saw his face I literally yelled and was like "Dad!!! Your FACE! Can you FEEL your FACE?! Can you FEEL your ARMS?" I completely panicked (and when it counted!ha!). There was part of me that thought I was crazy and made it up, but my intuition was right. As fast as I could I got him into my car and we went to urgent care. Within like a minute of signing him in they saw him and soon got an ambulance. In hindsight, I probably should have called 911 but it all worked out. I got him help and that was the important part. Also, I know that God was watching out for everything and put the right people in place for the whole process. My friend who is an RN in the ER at the nearby hospital ended up being on his call. When Mom and I got to the ER I told her "Oh! Mom Joy works here!" and within a second of saying so she came out and whisked us away to dad's room. Such a blessing. Dad was int he hospital for two days and then stayed at our house for recovery. Thankfully he is doing much better but does have some noticeable changes. We are so lucky it wasn't any worse and hope that future strokes can be prevented.

Up-- August 25th & 26th: Brian's brother and SIL came to town with stuff from his mom's apartment. They took items to their sister's home and then came over to this part of town to deliver things for Brian. I hung out with all of them Saturday evening, which was a great way for me to relax some. Then on Sunday Brian, his brother, SIL and I spent most of the day together. It was so much fun being with them! I really love his family.

Up and then another steep Down -- September 6th: My family and I decided to go to the beach for a day and hang out with family members who were already there. The day started out awesome-- beautiful sunshine from here to the coast, easy/fast drive, lots of fun chatter on the way there and a wonderful morning talking with everyone. Then about mid morning we all wanted to go down to the beach and see what was going on. We sat on the beach for a little bit and then had fun putting our feet in the water. My aunt and Brian wanted to climb the cape so I went along with them. I really did not feel like going that day as the sand was hot and I was not prepared (it's a very steep climb)...but I figured oh well it's a gorgeous day and it will be worth it. Plus, Brian had never been on the cape. Anyway, we took some time getting up (except for my aunt she is in shape!) and I felt so-so... and when I got to the first ridge I felt winded. Brian felt that way too but 10x worse than me. After my aunt went down the hill, I noticed that Brian was getting worse and worse-- there was little color on in his face. Within a few seconds, he leaned back (fainting) and then his body started to convulse (and his eyes were open - absolutely terrifying to see). I started to yell for help and water -- now I was super super super panicked and freaking out. Thankfully there were amazingly helpful people on the cape and a God thing -- there was a medic and two nurses who came to his aid. The one gal tried to calm me down so I could call 911. I called them and help did come fairly quickly. They were able to get Brian off the hill, got fluids in him and then we rode an ambulance to a hospital. He was able to recover well and we weren't in the ER long. Mom and Dad picked us up from there and we went home... Oh what a day. I am just SO thankful he is okay. You just never know when the "fit" will hit the "shan."

Since that last drama everything has been fairly good.... Though recently Brian found out his dad hasn't been doing too well so we are hoping for the best. Ahh....

I recently went in and had a check up with my doctor. We had a good talk and she made a comment that will stick with me and I can draw upon it when I am feeling weak, "The beauty in all this is... it has happened outside of you... You have been like the anchor."

I hadn't thought of it like that and I honestly have never had be that way before. An anchor. I like that. I hope I never forget how strong I have had to be this summer. I also hope that there is a long road ahead of peace.

Ups, Downs and So Much Stronger

While I had high hopes for 2012 being a better year, it has basically been a continuation of the previous year. Since the very first day, this year has been challenging but also a wonderful learning experience. I feel incredibly grateful for the growth I have made in this year and even in the past few months. I have become stronger because of everything I have experienced. I will admit, I have had my fair share of anxiety and moments where all I could was try to cling to the present. I've learned that just because you have weakness doesn't mean you aren't capable of being strong. Your strength is known when you have no other choice but to be that way. On a daily basis it is easy to struggle but when you are put to the test that is when all is revealed. Maybe you've always been powerful -- you just didn't know it.

I don't think that finding ones strength has to necessarily come from the cost of a hardship on another. I think it these times just force us to find that deeply embedded inner courage. Further, as I believe: for every bad circumstance or heartache there is always something good.

[ I really hope I don't sound arrogant or melodramatic. I'm not trying to exaggerate either. I'm simply writing from my stream of subconscious and my heart. Trying to gather all the events that have happened in one place is like herding 10 cats! I have all of these different directions I can go and ways to organize my thoughts, so this is just how it is all coming out on here.... ]

So, back to what I was saying: yes, there have been quite a few downs this year but I have also experienced much joy. I feel a sense of peace with my friendships/relationships and particularly the romantic one I am in. While I feel mixed in saying so, it has been good to see the true colors and reality of other relationships/people. The goodness in that comes from knowing I have solid friendships/relationships in my life. I have also made several new friends that add happiness to my life. Cliche - maybe but oh so true: when one door closes, another one opens. I'd like to think it's the window that opens though.

As best I can, I will describe recent events that have led me to this point. My guess is I'll need to do a part 2 post. ;-)

Down/Mixed: After Mother's Day my boyfriend learned that his mom had pancreatic and liver cancer. We ended up going to Spokane to visit her 4 times throughout the summer -- we went every two weeks. Through this time I learned how to use my voice and to advocate for myself. Ironically, from all of this, my relationship with my mother started to heal and grow. While I wish the circumstances could have been different I am grateful for this change, as it has also helped me to be more confident in my commitment.

I experienced many emotions during this time. Frankly, it was quite overwhelming and hard to process what I felt. I had the anxiety of meeting Brian's family and friends for the first time, and all that came with watching someone decline by the day.

I'll never forget meeting Brian's mom -- I felt humbled and in awe. Each time I saw his mom (and each visit after the first she was worse off; I met her first in her apartment and then the last few visits were in a nursing home), I felt a deep sense of calm from her presence. She was such a peaceful, gentle, sweet, sincere and quick witted woman. Even on the last visit, I felt extremely calm and just couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was absolutely beautiful even in suffering. It's almost hard to describe how it felt to see her on that last visit but she was graceful even in her last breathing days on earth.

My relationship with Brian really was molded even further during this heart wrenching time.We grew together  as this time further intertwined our lives.

As part of our relationship becoming more solid, I learned a lot about Brian. I got to see how he managed his emotions and learn just how close he was to his family. Basically, I got to see him in context. I saw him vulnerable, strong, gentle, compassionate and resilient. I learned more about who he was in context of the people he loves and that have been a part of his life for years. I got to see some of his old stomping grounds -- his roots. I got to see the shades of his personality: the boy and the man. In his eyes, I saw the boy who looked up to his mom and needed her. However, I also saw the man who gave his mom so much peace and joy.

What I'll remember for years to come was simply the fact that I got to meet the woman who loved my man for the very first time.

She passed away on July 20th. The memorial service was on August 5th at the church she had been attending. The pastor summed up her life sweetly (almost these words): "Jan's life was a reflection. A reflection causes you to look at something. She looked at Jesus for guidance and strength.... because she looked towards Jesus her life mirrored Him." Oh so true. What a beautiful woman.

I'm so thankful I had the opportunity to spend so much time with Brian's family. We stayed with his brother and sister-in-law each time we visited. They were so generous in letting us stay in their home and were great to be around. In the evenings we would BBQ, sit outside and enjoy the night. It was fun when his sister was there too (she lives in the same area as us) because her 2 year old son would chase the cat around the yard and provide us with a lot of entertainment. I consider Brian's family my new friends -- they are people I admire and love. I loved seeing how they put meaning into the word family. While I did see them work together in a hard time, I could tell that they had a great love for each other that had been there for years. I felt incredibly touched to be able to observe them and to participate in everything.

Those weekends were difficult mentally, emotionally and physically. I was worn out during these times and it was totally worth it. This quote stuck with me during this time, "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be."

I could talk at length about everything but I will let this be the conclusion of this 'event.' I'll do another blog post for the other ups and downs of this summer. On to Part II....

Slowly Coming Back

This has been probably the longest blog breaks I have had in awhile. Unintentional, yes. Ever since the middle of last month until now life has been way up and way down. I have been pretty stressed out, tired and lacking much interest in being on my computer. I feel like I am starting to get things back in order ever so slowly and my desire to blog is resurfacing.

First step today -- checking in with my naturopath. My doctor is wonderful! She looks at an individual holistically and gives good direct advice. The main issue we are working on is my anxiety. It has been something I have struggled with for years -- sometimes it isn't very present and other times it is absolutely miserable. Currently, it is manageable (okay 85% -ish of the time). Anyhow, I asked her about teas that may help to relax me and she gave me a list of herbs to get at an herbal medicine store. I didn't venture over to it this afternoon though (will do it another day). Instead, I went to New Seasons and found some Yogi Tea that might do the trick until I go to the other place.

Mmmm mmmm... I love tea. I think this will help me quite a bit. I enjoy breathing in deeply and smelling all of the delicious herbs. Even better -- taking a sip and savoring it... mmm which herb do I taste now? Tea is such a good way to activate the senses :)

So with that said, I will be back with posts in the near future. I am trying to get organized and get back to me. I plan on doing some catch up -- with garden posts and one or two more life updates. Hope that you are all doing well!

Breaking the Silence with Life Updates

There's been a good reason for my silence on here for the past few weeks. I've had to make some challenging decisions and have had some interesting experiences as a result. There's still quite a bit of thoughts swirling in my mind, but I feel relieved in many ways too. With discretion, I will try to explain what has happened. I am just going to bullet point things because a list will keep my thoughts more concise. I apologize for this being a little choppy but it is what it is ;-)

• Approximately two weeks ago, my boyfriend, B (Brian) found out that his mom has stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer. She was given 4-6 months to live and several treatment options. His family is from Spokane so that meant a long drive for us and that I would be gone from home for a weekend. It's a long story but it meant that I had to confront my mother and tell her of my plans. Prior to this she had not met B (as I say long story) but I was honest in my feelings about needing to go with him, and was very upset about everything. Amazingly enough, communication with my mom was not shut off and she seemed understanding of why I had to go. 

• Guess this is Part II? B and I went to Spokane on the 1st and returned on the 3rd. We arrived late to his brother and sister-in-laws house Friday evening, and then had a very busy Saturday. 

• Saturday looked like this: Breakfast with his dad and his dad's lady friend, afternoon with his mom, then met a family that are his friends, and then had dinner with a lovely couple, then.... the evening ended with daiquiris on his brother & sister-in-laws' deck. Let me tell you, I was exhausted!

• I'm so thankful I had the opportunity to meet his mom -- she is an extraordinary woman and I have so much respect for her. God willing, I will see her again soon. We're planning to go back in a few weeks.

• On Sunday we had dinner with his brother, SIL and dad then left town by 8AM. The drive home seemed much faster than going. Roadtrips are that way though, you have more anticipation to the place you haven't gone before. I thoroughly enjoyed myself - my family and I have done several big trips so being the car for a long time didn't bother me. I liked being with him and seeing a change of scenery.

• My sister and brother-in-law also came home that weekend and I was worried that I wouldn't see them. Thankfully B and I got back early enough on Sunday and I got spend time with them. It was also my BIL's birthday so that was fun to celebrate.

• Going to Spokane was incredibly beneficial to my relationship with B. I would say it was a turning point for us. I feel much more connected to B and see him in context now. He has a great family and I am excited to get to know them better.

• Making this choice to do what I felt was right -- going on the trip -- was a big step for me and it positively helped my relationship with my mother as well.  I felt empowered for making that choice and I feel like there is a healthy distance with my mom now. Perhaps it just took her a long time to digest my independence. All I know is that FINALLY I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Hip hip hooray!

Which has led to the most recent glorious event in my life....

• On Sunday, after planting our garden (I will write a special post on that!), Mom and I met up with B at Mongolian Grill. They FINALLY met! Overall, the conversation was good and Mom seemed pleased. B was also awesome in paying for dinner so that earned him some golden stars ;-) I am SO relieved that they have met and that these "walls" have come down. I feel like I can celebrate my relationship and really make B apart of my life. Such a good feeling... and I can repeat: FINALLY!

Slammed

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." -- Mario Andretti

I can't say life has been full of control lately, but it sure picked up its pace last week. I have been trying to catch-up these past few days because there was no extra time to get anything done in the blur of last week.

I should have known last Monday how the rest of the week was going to be. Ya know that errand outfit post? Well, I wore that to go to Powell's Bookstore so that I could get some Dr. Seuss books for the class I was going to sub for. I did not plan for this expense, but the teacher suggested that I bring some in for an activity she had planned. $38 dollars later I had 7 used books (enough for one per table group). Unfortunately, the books were not useful for what she had planned and there was little time to use them. Siiighh... They will come in handy later on though.

So, I subbed in a 3rd/4th grade class for three days. I honestly don't know how the teacher manages do teach them every single day. Now, the kids were just fine- no big issues there, but it is the curriculum that makes your head spin in 50 opposite directions. In the morning, I taught part of a lesson to 4th grade to keep them busy, then switched to 3rd... then back to 4th. Then we all did the same writing activity (making fun poems for  Dr. Seuss hats- it was Read Across America Week), thank goodness. After students' special and lunch, then it was time for the real challenge of the day: math. Oh. My. Word. Something has got to change with the current curriculum! The lessons are so poorly written that it took me a good 30 + minutes a day just to figure the goal. Then like the morning, I would go back and forth with the grades, which amounted to skimming here and there. Believe me, it was exhausting (in addition to all of the activities going on that week).

I certainly have been thinking quite a bit about curriculum and split grade classes. Experiences like this mold my teaching philosophy and make me even more passionate about teaching. I enjoy the problem solving aspect of it all and thinking through how I might approach things if it were my classroom. I am excited to gather experience and make adjustments in curriculum when it is necessary.

Oh yeah, I ended up subbing that Friday for a first grade teacher. I was quite impressed with their behavior and had a fun time with those lil kiddos. I also had the help of a retired teacher in the morning, she volunteers every Friday. We had a great time together! The day went smoothly, all besides the earthquake/evacuation drill that occurred while the kids and I were across the hall watching a movie. When the principal announced the drill, it literally looked like 30 squirrels scattering all at once (of course, I told them in a real event of an earthquake that would NOT be okay). The day ended with library and music back-to-back. Fridays in that room are pretty darn sweet!

The craziness continued to Saturday in which I took a the test for getting my reading endorsement. Oregon has the highest score to pass and have heard that many do not obtain in it in their first attempt (it's only a $130... no big deal right?!). I feel like I did well but am not totally confident that I passed. I'll find out my scores a month from now, so long to wait.

If these big events-- subbing and testing didn't fill up my time, my sister left Thursday to go to Georgia to see her husband and on Saturday my mom left for a work trip to China. Without fail, whenever someone has a ticket to fly somewhere, someone else goes! Lots of coming and going in this house!

This is all to say: this is why I have been so silent. I will admit that times like this make it super easy for me to get off the blog-writing-horse and let dust accumulate on its saddle. I have been focusing a lot on school this week since I got nothing done during those hectic days. Such is life! Only 10 more months to go until I have this degree... the end is in sight but distant.

I have another post (an outfit one!) to put on here but I must get ready for tutoring now.

Happy Thursday!

As of Recently & Late

Oh, life is crazy. Hence, the not writing hardly at all for this month. I started my practicum at the end of October, finished mid-way in this month. Now, the semester is ending and I am rapidly trying to get all my work done. I have been a little scatterbrained lately to say the least. Oh yes and I have subbed several days in addition to everything. And tutoring too....

In the midst of all the craziness, however, I have done some fun things.

This past weekend, the lovely long Thanksgiving weekend:

-- Thanksgiving, which I wrote about through pictures in the previous post.

-- Did some Black Friday shopping, but in the afternoon. No, I am not one of those crazy crack of dawn shoppers. I think consumerism is out of hand in this country, especially when you hear about someone pepper spraying a crowd all over wanting some THING. Disgusting.... Anyway, I didn't go out for anything in particular but if I found some decent clothes on sale then I planned to buy them. Sadly, no luck with clothing (and no patience for the Kohl's checkout line that was about 1.5-2 hr long wait). Went to several stores and did buy a couple of items; later that day I braved JC Penney's at the mall with a cousin. She found some boots but I didn't have luck with anything - oh well! While most of the shopping trips did not amount to much, I did come across one big success (drumroll please!): a laptop! Yay! I am so glad that I found a quality laptop and for the price that I did ($629 before I added on insurance). I am waiting for it to arrive in the mail.... Perhaps tomorrow ;-)

--Trans Siberian Orchestra on the 28th with a wonderful cousin! My boss at work gave my sister two tickets to the show because she was not able to go (guess they had won them through a TV station). About an hour before heading off to the concert my sister decided not to go, and so I had to find someone to take up the second ticket. I called two family members and one was available! My cousin had been wanting to go for a long time so it worked out perfectly. Free tickets and fab seats! Ohhhh boy, let me tell ya... that was one heck of a concert! The music was awesome and I loved how the Christmas story was told. Very powerful. I will say, though, that the light show that accompanied the music was kind of overwhelming. Overall, great show and I am glad I had the opportunity to go! By the way, "Carol of the Bells" was the bomb.

Past few weeks:

-- My sister's bridal shower on November 13th. A few of my aunts and cousins put together a very cute hot chocolate themed bridal shower. Perfect for my sister! We celebrated her future as a bride, and of course showered her with many gifts. As the Maid of Honor I had my duty of making the bouquet out of ribbons and bows. I am quite pleased with how it came together :) My sis got lots of great gifts and all of us ladies had a great time together.

-- While my sister was gone to see her fiance graduate, Mom and I had a fun adventure to the PDX Airport to do a little shopping and for the heck of it. We have been to the airport several times this year but have not had time to shop. So, we hopped on the MAX and browsed the stores. Found some Christmas gifts in the Made in Oregon, and got to finally see the spectacular The Real Mother Goose store. We had a delicious dinner at Standfords -- ceasar salad, onion rings, tasty cheesy bread, and fries. Whew, I was stuffed! As we ate dinner we were amused with watching people and the tarmac, though it was a very slow night. We also laughed about my response to the host as he asked if we were flying out somewhere, I said without thinking, "No, we have been out here lots of times this year and wanted to come back to shop." Uh, who does that?! haha My mom suggested to say that we were waiting for someone or took someone. Yeah, much better idea than the one that came tumbling out of my mouth ;-)

-- Went on a wonderful walk at the library and got two cheap books, with the B. On one gorgeous Fall day, where I didn't have much time, B asked me to come to the library with him so I could see the pretty trees and check out the books on sale (got two books for $4.50). Truthfully, I didn't feel like going but was glad that I did afterwards. Sometimes he surprises me with what I need vs what I think I need or want.

Last week of October:

-- Halloween: I was determined to make a fun idea off of Pinterest and it came out fairly well.  I will have to try it again- was delicious:

-- Corn maize: B and one of his co-workers and I went to the corn maze on Sauvie Island. We got pretty lost in the maze but had a fun time! B's co-worker is from India and his family still lives over there so it was nice to be able to take him out. I am sure that is hard to be separated like that.

... And that is life summed up in the past month and a half. I only included the bigger events as you probably wouldn't want me to explain all that has happened in that time-- my planner looks like a wreck. I should take a picture of it sometime. Writing all over the place! haha But that is just Fall in Full Swing! Looking forward to slightly less hectic December, at least without school... things will be bustling for the Christmas season and the wedding. :) Lots going on these days.

Hope your Fall has been delightful!


*yes pictures to come... am so lazy with this. Promise they will show up at some point!

Arrivals & Departures

Oh, it has been a busy season so far. I was on such a writing kick there for a few weeks and now it has dwindled a bit. My schedule isn't super crazy but it is slowly progressing to be that way. Starting at the end of this month I will be doing my ESOL practicum for three full-time weeks. I am looking forward to learning from my mentor and gaining more knowledge on teaching students with language needs.

Anyhow, while my own personal life hasn't been too hectic, there have been lots of coming and going for people in "my" house (seems funny to write that phrase now, I am looking forward to the day when I really have my own house!).

Shortly after my mom arrived back from Singapore, my sister left for Georgia to see her boyfriend. He is in basic training right now - it was Family Weekend. They had a great time seeing each other, but it also made the goodbye difficult. Exciting news though: they are engaged! On October 8th, Dustin proposed :)

Courtesy of my sister & her cell 

The timing is questionable as to when the wedding will take place - as we do not know exactly when he will be back. Sarah is hoping for Christmas time. We shall see! This will be a big transition for them when the time comes. I hope my sister will be happy with her decision to be an Army wife.

Sarah returned home on the 10th, and within a few days our Costa Rican friend, Leonor arrived. She is here doing volunteer work for the Partners of the Americas. Unfortunately, the director that she works with here is a bit disorganized so she hasn't been able to do too much. Leonor will be here until November 3rd. Certainly interesting having her here- she was here earlier this summer for Granny's 100th birthday party, and then we went back with her for about two weeks. This visiting time is a little more challenging, simply due to the timing of when she is here and well, ya know how it is when you have spent a lot of time with someone.... ;-)

So there has been lots of arriving and departing around here. Lots of changes!

While all this has been going on Fall's colors have gotten richer and crunchier. Today is one of those wonderful clear warm Fall days. I had a pretty good run too, but I will save that for another post. :)

Hope that you are enjoying this season ... or whatever one you may be in!

Mid-Week Thoughts

It's Wednesday and I feel like writing a short post...

-- I forgot to write about Summer's dramatic exit... she did leave by giving us a decent storm! We had a few good claps of thunder and some lightning. Other parts of down got more of a storm than we did. Certainly made things exciting!

-- I'm almost over my cold but not quite yet. I subbed in the afternoon for a 3rd grade class on Monday and then nearly lost my voice after that. Seems like I'm more prone to losing my voice these days when I get sick. Thankfully, my voice is okay - just a lil raspy.

-- As soon as I finish writing this post I am going to study. Yes... Big groan. haha I have my ESOL Endorsement test on Saturday (I also paid $160 for this lovely experience, fyi) and I am dreading it. My professor loves to tell us, "No one has failed it!" You can see it as half-full: it is "pass-able." Or half-empty: I don't want to be the first to fail. Either way, I'm nervous and hope I will be prepared enough.

-- Mom gets her cast tomorrow so hopefully the doctor will have some good news about her wrist. I certainly hope it heals soon! Thankfully she hasn't been in much pain so that's a blessing. So unfortunate that she broke her right wrist.

-- My cats are driving me nuts! The baby, Cocoa Puff is one fiesty little thing. She is seriously obsessed with Cheese Puff-- and I mean more than the "Bella obsessed with Edward" type. Though unlike Bella's preferred type of "pouncing," Cocoa Puff is a little mean. She loves attacking poor Cheese. I keep telling him to toughen up and smack her. Yes, I'm encouraging violence ;-) haha Needless to say, I want them to get it figured out! I'm pretty sure yesterday we went from WWIII to WWX. 

-- Speaking of disasters, though this is on a much more serious note, I finally had a chance to read about the Wallow Fire in Eastern AZ. Wow! This fire is larger than the city of Phoenix. To give you an idea Phoenix is about 519 miles and this fire is 607 miles or 389,000 acres. The pictures are pretty amazing- talk about overwhelming. CNN has a good article and this website, Wildfire Today has a good post if you're interested.

-- Found this quote and thought it was good, "Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Hope you all are having a good week so far!

Last Weekend of May

Since I mentioned in my last post that I was going to talk about the other days I figured I better to do so! I have a very busy day ahead tomorrow and want to get this up here now. I'm going to try to give brief explanations along with a few pictures ;-)

Friday
(Not technically part of the weekend, but I'm including it this time!)
My good friend Jennifer and I hung out together. She came over to visit the new little one so that was fun. I'm glad she got to see the baby! After meeting lil Miss Cocoa Puff, Jennifer thought it would be good to get her some more toys. So we headed up to the shopping center area and went to Petco. We found some good items (like the one pictured with the girl in yesterday's post). Then after shopping at that store, Jennifer and I decided to go to a few others in the area. We ended up going to Payless Shoes, Ross, Old Navy (hadn't been in that particular store for over two years-- worked there for awhile), and made a trip to Jamba Juice. I was good about not spending too much, but I did come across a purse that was on sale at Payless. I've been wanting a larger one and this definitely works for me:

I'm thrilled that I only had to pay $14.99 for this beauty! ;-)

Saturday
Mom and I did some some "mouse housing." We went out and about to stores to get some items. One of the places was Borders and I ended up finding one of the books on my list on sale. Yippie!

$3.99- yes please

We also checked out the new DSW store near us, where I lusted over the purses... but they were way too expensive. In addition to DSW, we went to Trader Joes and then to Fred Meyer. I remembered I had a gift card from Granny for Freddy's and found something I have been wanting for awhile, a new wallet. I was surprised to find one that I liked at Freddy's. I've looked many, many times. 

The wallet cost more than the purse (~$18) but I discovered  I had a little more money on the GC than I thought. Thanks Granny!

One of our other stops included the Dollar Tree. I wanted to get my Hallmark co-workers treats as my "goodbye gift" to them and had the idea to make a bowl full of goodies. Lo and behold, the DT had everything I needed (minus the bags of chips). They had a cute popcorn bowl and lots of candy packs. Such a deal! Mom and I went to Winco to get the chips so overall I didn't spend too much and got everyone covered that way. :)

Sunday
Sunday was my last day at Hallmark. Thankfully it was very low-key and I got to chat up a storm with my co-worker. We talk about a variety of things from here to the moon so it was a good day. I will certainly miss those people, but I feel so blessed to have made some great friends. Though I'm not working there anymore I know that my friendships will continue with them. What a wonderful experience!

Oh yes, I must mention... For all the months I've worked at Hallmark there has been only one product that I have wanted. Though I couldn't seem to justify spending $6.99 on it the whole 9 months I was there. Of course, I could have gotten a discount from my manager had I bought it while she was working, but I kept telling myself  "no, no, no... you don't need that." Well, I start thinking different on Sunday, "I am going to Forest Park on Monday, I don't want to take my giant purse with me..." And then my co-worker only encourages me to indulge. Well, I bought this lovely item and here she is:

This is a cute claspy wallet! And if you're wondering, I am very glad I got it! Came in handy yesterday :) And I did get Rewards points for it... haha

I don't know why I was so silly about buying this item. In the past month or two I have bought things that I don't necessarily need, but want. I guess it was just that it was at my work and I tried to only buy cards or sometimes gifts for people. Oh well! I'm glad I have it now. We can be funny with what we want huh?

*Forgot to mention- not sure why... but after work on Sunday I drove across town for a lil family barbecue at my aunt and uncle's house. I enjoyed spending time with some of my cousins, two of my aunts, Granny and my uncle. I love how we talk about a variety of things-- from side effects of medications to old family memories. One thing that I remember most from our conversations was the topic of the natural disasters that had recently hit the South/Midwest. I love how my family cares about issues that go on around the country and the world. I feel so blessed for all that I have.


Monday- Memorial Day
I already wrote about this day yesterday so I'm just going to include a picture that I didn't put in that post. It's very important to note how simply wonderful yesterday was.... the weather was fantastic! A great end to the long weekend....

Hope you all had a blessed weekend!!!

Falling into Chaos

Here I am. It is May 20th, 2011 and I am finally writing. Goodness, I have been HORRIBLE this year with writing. It's not that I don't have a lot to write about but I haven't been making time for it. Between school, substituting, and my part-time job I have been extremely busy and worn out. 

A week or two ago I came across an article on CNN that had a title similar to the one I'm using for this blog. When I saw the headline I thought, "yes! That is how I feel!" Needless to say, this title accurately describes how I have been feeling for most of this year, especially in the last few months. I feel like I have been in "survival mode" for far too long. I am definitely not balanced like I used to be but have high hopes for getting back to a healthier way of living soon.

There have been a few changes in my life as of recently and I'm thankful to say that they've been good ones. Just recently, I received a job offer from Sylvan Learning Center. I interviewed with the director over a year ago but there weren't any positions available in my interest area. My sister works at this particular center, not as a teacher though. Anyway, my sister told me that the director had positions available and that I should get in contact with her. So I called the director up and she informed me that she would be happy to give me a position! After looking at my summer school schedule and figuring out how to deal with my current PT job, I confirmed that I would love working at Sylvan. Now I am a tutor/teacher there! I started training this week... it has been a good experience so far but overwhelming, as new things always are.

With that being said, early last week I put in my two weeks notice to my part-time job at Hallmark. I was very nervous about resigning as this all happened so quickly. Thankfully, my manager was encouraging and understanding. She said she knew I wasn't always going to be at the store, but didn't expect for it all to change so soon. I was very relieved! She also has allowed me to work my last two weeks, which is a wonderful blessing. I will miss being at the store-- I absolutely love the cards! In my time at the store, a few months shy of a year, I have made great friends and have met quite a few interesting people. I feel like they have all made an impact on me in some shape or form. The experiences I have had at the store will always be with me too. I learned so much from them and they have helped to make me stronger. It's sad to say goodbye to such a huge blessing, but I know I must take this new (teaching) opportunity.

Anyhow, with this job change, I will have more time for subbing and be able to have a regular schedule. I plan on only working 2 nights per week at Sylvan so that will be really nice. This change couldn't have happened at a better time too. Grad school is going to be fairly intense this summer-- taking 9 credits (not at once but all within a month and a half).  I also have a practicum for my ESOL endorsement this Fall... so I was already worried about coordinating Hallmark with all of this. Praise God! It has all been worked out. I never had to worry... just like so many other times where I have been unsure... He is so faithful and good.

In addition to the job change, the semester concluded... Yippie! I had to create an ESL unit, which reminded me of the good 'ol work sample days. Ugh. Thankfully it wasn't as intense and didn't require as much detail. Let me tell you though, I was glad to get that turned in! So nice to have a little break from school now. Whew.

So that is the latest and greatest in my life! I think I'm going to make a big note next to my computer that says "BLOG" and perhaps I'll remember to write more than one time every other month. ;-)

Friday Wrap-Up

"A man who does not think for himself does not think at all." --Oscar Wilde

I really enjoyed writing my "What I'm For" poem-- it was liberating and fun. Often times I feel like I'm a "Plain Jane" but when I wrote that poem, it brought out all of those parts of me that make me who I am. Who I am is not a label of some kind. I've always felt frustrated that I could never be in one category or another, especially in terms of politics. Sometimes I agree with the Left side and sometimes I agree with the Right. Really though, I'm a combination of values. To some, I may seem apathetic but I'm not. Like everyone else, I have my own opinions too.

So with that being said... there are plenty of more things I could say in my poem. But when I wrote that poem last night, that's how it all came out. I did make a list throughout yesterday but when I sat down to write, it all came together in that way. I like it. I feel like I represented myself well. That was me writing in the moment.

Besides reflecting on the poem, I also wanted to share where I'm at with the things I'm working on...

Couch to 5K Running Plan: Just started the 4th week! Today was definitely the most challenging day. I'll write more about this week's plan tomorrow or in a few days.

Bible Reading Plan: August 31st marked the 50th day of reading! I'm now a few more days over that of course.

Budgeting: Just got paid today for the last two weeks... Need to re-evaluate some of my plans. So far, I feel pretty good about my spending.

Alrighty, sorry this was a little rushed at the end. I need to get ready to head downtown with my mom and sister to the first football game of the season (my alma mater is playing a Portland school tonight). We're mainly going to support my sister's boyfriend. Go #45! haha. And we're going to ride the MAX! Should be an adventure! (And in all honesty, I am dragging my feet a little bit... I'm not a huge fan of this sport)

Hope ya'll are having a good Friday night!

Good quotes & Update

I've gone back and forth on deciding whether to write a post today. I want to write something but I feel like I can't formulate anything too decent right now.

Today was another great summer day. I think the temperature was close to 100 degrees today. Needless to say, it was a little warm at the Lavender Farm. I felt pretty sticky from the sunscreen and sweat! haha I won't complain though- I live for this kind of weather. :) Yeah, I'm not a typical Oregonian.

Going to the Lavender Farm again was pretty fun. I had a good time hanging out with Nancy and Mary. It's so entertaining to watch good friends interact with each other. There was lots of laughter for sure! I also enjoyed getting to know Mary even better. She's a neat lady-- I think she has some red hair underneath all that blonde hair. She's pretty fiery about certain things and I love it! It's always refreshing talking with someone who shares similar interests and beliefs as you.

Other than going out and about today I wanted to share some quotes that I've come across recently. These two quotes I'm going to share come from a reader board from a building near the THPRD recreation center. There are always the greatest quotes on that reader board! Wish I passed by it more frequently.

The wish bone will never replace the backbone.

If you can't excel with talent triumph with effort.