February Reflections & Right Now

"No winter lasts forever, no spring skips its turn" -- Hal Borland

In the process of trying to find a new name for my blog, I came across some interesting information about the month of February. The name of the month comes from the Latin word februa, which means cleaning and purification. Some cultures have certain rituals that they do during the month to prepare them for the coming season. February is a funny time-- right in the middle of Winter and on the edge of Spring. 

February was a quiet month for me in terms of blogging. I didn't have much to say and was consumed with school (the semester had just begun). One thing I did do was the Photo Challenge. While it was mostly an easy way to blog for the month, it encouraged me to be creative. I liked that I had to take a particular photo each day and share it on here. The challenge also got me in the habit of posting regularly and I enjoyed feeling consistent. Perhaps at some point later this year, I will do another challenge. Fat Mum Slim is hosting them throughout the year and I enjoy the topics she picks. If you would like to participate in the March Photo Challenge, here's the link. 

Lent started on the 22nd and I decided to participate in it. Last year, I gave up chocolate for 40 days- it was challenging sometimes but I did it! This time, I had this feeling in my heart that I needed to ADD something instead of taking something away. A little but strong Voice has been telling me to read the Bible for 5 minutes a day. Truthfully, I haven't wanted much to do with the Bible, any type of church, or praying for that matter for about a year or so. I have been very turned off of religion because I had been damaged by it at one point and at the same time was a product of its nasty side. I became part of a cycle that I will never repeat. Also, last year was an emotional rollercoaster ride. I don't think these are excuses but merely reasons for why I left the Bible on the side of the road.

Now, I do think it is important to say that my relationship with Jesus is what matters. I have always known that. However, I am just starting to recover from the things that took me away from Him. Getting back to Him is a slow process because I have to remove the layers of hurt, disappointment, my pride, and all the weight that has kept me chained. Once that is all free from my heart, I have to hand over my expectations of life-- let me tell you, they are beautiful accessories that I have fashioned for myself. They're heart-crafted and tailored by the thoughts of my mind. They have taken a long time to create and I hold them dear. So dear, that I don't want to give them up quite yet. They are valuable and I don't know how HE could make something better... 

That is where I am right now to be honest with you. I am slightly dragging my feet along, but knowing that where I am going is really my heart's home. I am nervous about what I will learn along the way, how it will feel to be free, and where He will take me when I'm all His. This journey will require me to make some changes and to be completely vulnerable. It will not be easy.

But I know if I never start on this path, the chances are slim that I will ever try years from now (maybe but later isn't now). I don't want to come to the end someday and to realize I should have returned to Him when I had the chance.

This is just where I am.

~

On a lighter note, I am going to a ballet performance tonight with a friend from school. Her husband isn't able to go tonight so she's taking me instead! So excited! We're going to see "Giselle." I am not familiar with this story so I am going to read a little bit about it. :)

Christmas Eve: The Forgiving Night

Merry Christmas Eve!

In the words of Trans-Siberian Orchestra, this is the forgiving night. I think that is a perfect way to describe the eve of Christmas. The night where Greatness became so small, innocent and human just like you and me. And to think that in the little manger lay the King of Kings, Lord of Lords. A precious baby... So magnificent.

Mom, Granny and I went to church this evening and it was a very nice service. I haven't been to church much this year so sit felt good to let the pastor's words sink in. I love visualizing the birth of Jesus. Humbling to meditate on the story.
~
Today has been a good day. Mom and I took care of last minute preparations before getting Granny; cleaning and wrapping presents. It was a gorgeous day to get Granny and bring her back home with us. :)

A stop at Starbucks before heading back from Salem

Passing through a small town

Can't see it in this photo but Mt. Hood was quite visible. Love the Willamette Valley!

Crossing the Willamette River, I always love this part. 

Hope you all are having a blessed night. I am going to enjoy chatting with my family, watch the Yule log on tv (tradition) and have some munchies.

Merry Christmas to all & to all a good night!

Part II: Response to the 'End of the World'

Suffering

[ suhf-er-ing, suhf-ring ]

--noun

1. the state of a person or thing that suffers.

2. Often, sufferings. Something suffered by a person or a group of people; pain: the sufferings of the slaves.

--synonyms

1. agony, torment, torture; pain, distress.

~

My next response to this end of the world prediction comes in the from of serious frustration and heartache for so many people. When I hear the phrase, "end of the world" I also think about being on the edge of barely surviving. I think about all of those people... those humans like you and I that have suffered so much.

Instantly, my mind goes to the victims of the earthquake that rocked Japan on March 11, 2011. I remember watching the news all day and felt so heartbroken for all those precious lives that had been lost and those that are now forever changed. I can't imagine what it must have been like to be shaken up so much, to have your whole life destroyed and no time to salvage anything... and then to have the fear of contamination from a nuclear plant. To them, that must (and probably still does) have felt like the end of the world. From thousands of miles away, it certainly looked like it. This website has some horrific pictures from that awful day. I just can't imagine... cars looked like kid toys as they floated along the currents of the water, trees snapped in half like they were just sticks, houses ripped from their foundations, people stranded and separated from loved ones, fires, unthinkable amounts of mud everywhere... total devastation.

The heartache I feel also goes out to those who have suffered in the midwest this year. In April, a large number of tornadoes swept through the country destroying so many lives. The pictures/video from the destruction is so hard to see. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to survive one of those massive monsters. Homes completely broken down, pets missing or stranded, people trapped in rubble... Ugh. Not only that but the storms created lots of flooding. What an absolute nightmare. To those victims, how can that not feel like the end of the earth? Their whole lives are turned upside down-- things they have treasured, the homes they loved, the neighbors they cared about, their animals, their livelihood.... Everything is all changed.

So when I hear the phrase "end of the world" I can't help but feel a little anger. Millions in this world have already suffered so much. There is also so much suffering in this world in addition to natural disasters. Right now, someone is suffering. Someone is wondering how they will ever get past what just happened to them.

And yet, some human says that the world is ending today? I think his followers should take some time and talk to the victims of rape, natural destruction, persecution and so many others. Now, those people have been through what is truly horrific and know fear. Surely, they must feel like they are at the very end.

It is humbling (and sad) to think about the end of the world in this way... I feel so fortunate and blessed for all that I have. When I have a bad day it is no where near compared to what someone else has been through.

In another light though, I also have comfort knowing that God is involved in every aspect of life on this earth. While these horrible things are happening to people, He is in the midst of their pain. He is everywhere and in everything. He knows their suffering and loss. They are not alone.

With all this said, the end is not to be determined by humans. God is in control and He will return in a way that glorifies Him.

"...Here on this earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." -John 16:33*

*Bolded/underlined for emphasis
* Dictionary.com was used for the definition of suffering

Part I: Response to the 'End of the World'

I'm starting this blog at 7:22PM. Wow, really? Guess that means the world is still turning and life is continuing like it has been for so many years. As usual, it is now raining again in the good ol' Pacific Northwest... So I guess this means that today is just a typical day.

When I initially heard of May 21st being the end date for the world I made some jokes with my friends. A good portion of this "prophecy" (ha) of Harold Camping is quite laughable. I mean, come on.... seriously?! You think God is going to return on your watch? 

However, on a more serious note I have two responses to this ridiculous "prediction." First of all, I believe in a God who is infinitely more powerful than a human prediction. I believe in the One who created everything so incredibly huge to everything that is so magnificently small. He created humans in His image--- He knows our heart, thoughts, soul, dreams, goals, and the amazing intricate functions of the human body. He watches over the animals grazing in the safari in Africa, He sees the little butterfly on the leaf, the morning dew on the country fields, the fish swimming around the Great Barrier Reef, the molecules in every cloud, the suffering of humans all around the world, the homeless man begging on the street..... Oh, I could go on and on. My point being, this is the God who "they" say was coming back today (and at 6pm apparently). Why would such an incredible amazing God come back when a human says He is supposed to? If God is that predictable why fear Him at all? Why get so panicked? 

Jesus clearly stated that His return to earth would be impossible for anyone to predict, "However, no one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows" (Matthew 24:36)*. Because He said so, I believe it. He can come back at anytime... any hour... And that is why He also says this, "You also must be ready all the time. For the Son of Man will come when least expected" (Matthew 24:44)*. He even tells us how to be prepared... 

If anything, this ridiculous prediction has been a good reminder to me and has given me good opportunities to share my faith. I feel sad for people who have been so mislead by this prediction. I think that it is a believer's calling, to show others love and compassion not to scare others. Yes, I firmly believe in the Lord returning to earth unexpectedly, but I also am comforted because He has left us a great plan of preparedness in the Bible. The most beautiful love letter ever written....

(Part II to be in a new blog post)

*Bolded/underlined for emphasis

The Reason for the Season

This is sort of a Part 2 to my previous post... I feel it is important to share these beautiful song lyrics with all of you. Whenever I would hear this song on the radio, it would instantly hit me as to why we have this beautiful Christmas season. I so needed that profound reminder this season. I'm embarrassed and frustrated to admit that I have not given God as much as my time in thinking about His amazing miracle as I should...

Christmas is about Jesus. That precious little baby boy that came into this world and would one day grow up to be the ultimate sacrifice for mankind-- He was the One to make it so that we can have a friendship with God... He's the One who shed His pure and innocent blood so that we could be made right with our Creator.

Hard to even put it all into words. Thank goodness for amazing songs. The song "You're Here" by Francesca Battistelli really made me think. It explains the purpose of Jesus' birth and His life through Mary's perspective. Totally hits home. You can listen to the song on YouTube (the link should go straight to music video of the song). Here are the lyrics:

Hold on now, I gotta take a deep breath
I don’t know what to say when I look in your eyes
You made the world before I was born
Here I am holding You in my arms tonight

Noel, Noel Jesus our Emmanuel

You’re here
I’m holding You so near
I’m staring into the face of my Savior King and Creator
You could’ve left us on our own
But You’re here

Don’t know how long I’m gonna have You for
But I’ll be watching when You change the world
Look at Your hands, they’re still so small
Someday You’re gonna stretch them out and save us all

Noel, Noel, God with us Emmanuel

You’re here, I’m holding You so near
I’m staring into the face of my Savior King and Creator
You could’ve left us on our own
But You’re here, You’re here

Someday I’m gonna look back on this
The night that God became a baby boy
Someday You’re gonna go home again,
But You leave your spirit and flood the world with joy

You’ll be here, I’m holding You so near
I’m staring into the face of my Savior, King and Creator
You could’ve left me on my own, but You’re here… You’re here

Hallelujah, You’re here
Hallelujah, You’re here

What I'm For-- the Angela Version

My cousin Elizabeth, on her blog, Simply Authentic inspired me to write this "What I'm For" poem. She was inspired by the song "What I'm For" by Pat Green. She wrote her own version on her blog post.

Here is what I'm about at this present time... Hope you enjoy...

What I'm For-- the Angela Version

I'm for following Jesus, making Him the center of my life,

For firmly believing that God will sustain our planet as long as He wants,

Yet, am for respecting His marvelous creation, as He gave humankind authority over it all.

That means being compassionate towards fellow humans and animals.

I'm for living a simple lifestyle, one little change at a time.

For using less resources and harmful chemicals,

Recycling, re-using and natural/organic products.

I'm for being frugal: spending less and saving more,

Paying off debts big and small,

For wanting what I have and only buying what I need.

For making mistakes and learning from them.

I'm for moving on from the stumble,

And going over the hurdle.

I'm for taking advantage of warm sunny days,

For washing my laundry in cold water (always) and then,

Line drying everything,

Nothing like crisp fresh bedding and sweet smelling clothes.

For solving mental and physical issues naturally before trying Western medicine,

Yes, there are exceptions to this at times.

I'm for furthering my education by learning from others and college courses,

For reading for enjoyment and learning:

The Bible, autobiographies, biographies and memoirs are some of my favorites,

And of course a variety of fiction and non-fiction books.

I'm for discovering meaningful quotes, song lyrics and Bible verses,

For exercising (running for me) to prevent future physical ailments,

For the wonderful moments with my cat.

I'm for taking pictures of special moments or things that catch my eye,

For scrapbooking and card-making; writing and receiving "snail mail,"

Saying and writing thank you.

For maintaining and strengthening relationships with friends and family,

For supporting those in the U.S. military and their families,

Soldiers are my heroes and celebrities-- they sacrifice their lives for us.

I'm for being kind to every person I meet,

For professionalism and sincerity.

For growing as an educator so that I can make an impact,

I'm also an advocate for children-- for their rights and welfare.

I am for being that person children know they can trust without a doubt.

I'm for parents taking their roles seriously and gracefully,

For parents being active in their child's education and life.

For parents not letting the consequences of their mistakes to burden their child,

Children should never have to suffer for their parent's poor choices,

Unfortunately, they always do.

I'm for adopting children and giving them a loving home.

For the Operation Christmas Child organization,

And for de-cluttering: giving away items to those less fortunate than me.

I'm for the freedom that allows me to choose my political views,

Currently, I have certain conservative and environmental values,

I refuse to vote on social issues ever again,

God is the Judge, not me.

As for the government and its spending, I just know it is all a mess.

I'm for being eclectic about Biblical theologies,

No theology is just right for me,

I'm for my relationship with Jesus and His Word being the ultimate in my life.

I'm for enjoying nature,

Looking at the stars, the breathtaking rainbow and the delights of each season,

I'm for the tranquility of the beach and the boldness of the desert,

For gardening-- growing vegetables, fruit and flowers.

I'm for eating locally and organically when possible,

For water, tea, hot chocolate, decaf coffee and the occasional alcoholic beverage.

I'm for learning how to be a self-sustaining individual,

For myself and before I am in a relationship with a man,

I'm for changing my mind, re-evaluating my values and goals,

I'm for just being me because I'm here for a purpose,

And nobody else can do my job better than me.

God is Love

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

--Romans 8:38-39

Today could've been like any other typical day but it wasn't. I suppose I ought to give credit to Pacific for requiring my shot records before giving me "student status." Had it not been for this necessary paperwork I wouldn't have been at the doctor's office today. This whole situation has been quite the ordeal and in all honesty I didn't want to spend my morning at the doctor's office. However, God wanted me there. He orchestrated everything-- He is very creative.

So what happened? Well, after getting my blood drawn at the lab I went upstairs to the doctor's office so that I could get a TB test and a shot. Since I didn't have an appointment made (the nurse said to just come in after the lab work) I had to wait awhile before the nurse could meet with me. Within that time of waiting, this lady showed up to sit with her husband, who was waiting to see a a doctor. Once her husband went in for his appointment I heard the lady crying. Then she proceeded to take out her phone (which kind of irritated me at first) and called someone for comfort. Since I was sitting next to her I heard all about her husband's medical condition. She was telling the person on the phone that she has tried to be strong for her husband-- trying not to let her anxieties show.

While this lady was talking on the phone, I felt like I wanted to put my arms around her. In those moments, God placed an idea in my heart to show this lady love. I felt God telling me to write a note to her. I rummaged through my purse and found an old grocery list. I tore a piece off and wrote, "I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time. I will pray for you. God Bless, Angela."

There are a million other comforting words I could've written but that is what came out. I didn't give her the note right away. That was the hardest part; not sure when to hand it to her. After my appointment I walked right past her and thought, "welllll mayyybe I shouldn't give it to her." By the time I got outside the building, I heard this, "Do you really want to go home with that note still in your purse?" No. I turned around and went back up to the doctor's office. I didn't want to seem too strange so I made an official appointment with the nurse for Wednesday (I do have to go in that day anyway). As I was making my appointment, the lady moved near the receptionist desk from the other side of the room. She was still on her phone, crying.

After I did the scheduling, I took the note out of my purse and went over to her. At first she was confused and then she said, "Thank you, that means so much." She told me her husband's name was Brian. I teared up when I made eye contact with her. I placed a hand on her shoulder because I needed to make that human contact. Human touch. The whole exchange is kind of blurry but that is what I remember. God needed me to show that woman love.

I will admit my relationship with God is no where near where it needs to be. I struggle with a variety of issues on a daily basis. But God still wanted to use me.

I'm so glad that I didn't come home with that note in my purse.

Independence Day

Well, this year's 4th of July will always be memorable. Not in a pleasant way, however. This past week my oldest cat's health dramatically declined. She's been slowly going downhill for awhile, but this past week she just got worse. Unfortunately, this all occurred while Mom, Granny, and I were at the beach. I feel awful for not being here for my kitty Chatty in her last few days.

When my sister updated us on her condition on Thursday I felt so anxious and panicky-- like the feeling of "I have to get to my cat." Thankfully, Chatty was able to hold on enough so that we could give her a proper send-off yesterday. I can't tell you how horrendous it was to come home to see my cat laying so weird on the floor of my bedroom and hardly breathing. When I saw her I immediately broke down crying and stroked her fur.

My aunt Maxine told us about an emergency vet in Tualatin where we took her to be put to rest. It was not easy having to pack her up in the carrier and have to drive her all the way over there. I'm thankful though that the people were extremely gentle with her. The doctor that euthanized her was so kind and comforting. Chatty left this world peacefully.

Chatty was a special kitty-- she came to our house during a very cold winter about 18 years ago. Chatty basically showed up on our back porch and refused to leave! Mom tried to scare her away but she didn't leave. After a few days mom gave her some food and water, hoping that would keep her satisfied. However, she still wanted a home. We were a little weary of the idea of having another cat because we already had one, Kasey (at that time she was about a year old). I remember sitting in the back room and discussing whether or not to let Chatty live with us. We all felt terrible about having her out in the cold. The answer to take her in was unanimous: yes!

We had our ups and downs with Chatty in the beginning because she was a farel cat. It took her awhile to get used to the domestic lifestyle. She never did become a lap-cat but she was always a faithful greeter in the utility room. When she wanted to, she would come and hang out in the house. During Christmas her favorite place was under the Christmas tree. Oh how she loved the Christmas tree! I'm so glad she got to enjoy it this last Christmas.

(Christmas 2009)

To sum up Chatty's life, the word humble is appropriate. Chatty lived a very simple life-- all she ever wanted was a home, a place to call her own. She didn't ask for much, just some love and a roof over her head. She also was so sweet to Kasey when she got ill. Chatty was truly the "nurse cat." When Kasey's health declined she stayed by her side- I will never forget that sweet gentle spirit. I hope that Kasey and Chatty are enjoying their sweet reunion :)

While to some this may seem "overboard" on writing about a cat... but she wasn't just a cat, she was a family member and a friend. She will always have a special place in my heart.

"For the life of every living thing is in His hand, and the breath of all humanity." (Job 12:10)

Your Love Is a Song

While I do have a few things to write about-- all I feel like doing is sharing the lyrics to a song I enjoy (I blast it in the car radio!). Hope you like them too.

"Your Love Is a Song" ~ Switchfoot

I hear you breathing in
Another day begins
The stars are falling out
My dreams are fading now, fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my eyes wide open

Your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me

Oh, Your love is a song

The dawn is fire bright
Against the city lights
The clouds are glowing now
The moon is blacking out, is blacking out

So I've been keeping my mind wide open
I've been keeping my mind wide open, yeah

Your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me

Oh, Your love is a song
Your love is a song
Oh, Your love is a song
Your love is strong

With my eyes wide open
I've got my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my hopes unbroken, yeah

Your love is a symphony
All around me
Running through me
Your love is a melody
Underneath me
Running to me

Your love is a song
Yeah, yeah
Your love is my remedy
Oh your love is a song

It's Bigger Than YOU

Today's inspiration to write has come easily. Today is one of those days where I reflect upon the fact that life is just simply bigger than me and you. Sometimes when we think our entire lives are falling apart its because we lack perspective-- usually. In this world, full of billions of people, someone is bound to have gone through (or is going through) something FAR WORSE than you or me.

Thanks to Facebook, I've recently gotten in touch with a friend from the church I used to go to. As we've been communicating back and forth she let me know that this past year was "tough" for her. I asked her, out of concern, what was going on. Turns out, her closest friend revealed to her last year that she is gay. My friend thinks that this is her "worst nightmare." In one of my responses I tried to give her perspective but she failed to even read what I had to say. She continued to go on and on and on about how her FRIEND'S problem affected her. And this is when I say: it is NOT about YOU and it is BIGGER than YOU.

I would love to make a point to her that I have an amazing group of friends that have and are going through a lot-- far worse than her friend turning out gay. So many of my friends have experienced so much trauma in their lives-- things that have changed their entire lives. My friend's shock is nothing compared to what others have gone through. Also, my friend's personal life is not affected at all... she can still go on and live HER life.

I feel that as a friend you are supposed to sympathize and empathize when you can. Yes, you may feel some pain along with your friend and shed some tears... but remember, it is NOT about YOU. When Jesus helped others it was never about Him or His experience... it was all about how He could give others peace and comfort... and that is how we ought to be. That is what I strive to be in my friendships.