Friday, March 2, 2012

February Reflections & Right Now

"No winter lasts forever, no spring skips its turn" -- Hal Borland

In the process of trying to find a new name for my blog, I came across some interesting information about the month of February. The name of the month comes from the Latin word februa, which means cleaning and purification. Some cultures have certain rituals that they do during the month to prepare them for the coming season. February is a funny time-- right in the middle of Winter and on the edge of Spring. 

February was a quiet month for me in terms of blogging. I didn't have much to say and was consumed with school (the semester had just begun). One thing I did do was the Photo Challenge. While it was mostly an easy way to blog for the month, it encouraged me to be creative. I liked that I had to take a particular photo each day and share it on here. The challenge also got me in the habit of posting regularly and I enjoyed feeling consistent. Perhaps at some point later this year, I will do another challenge. Fat Mum Slim is hosting them throughout the year and I enjoy the topics she picks. If you would like to participate in the March Photo Challenge, here's the link

Lent started on the 22nd and I decided to participate in it. Last year, I gave up chocolate for 40 days- it was challenging sometimes but I did it! This time, I had this feeling in my heart that I needed to ADD something instead of taking something away. A little but strong Voice has been telling me to read the Bible for 5 minutes a day. Truthfully, I haven't wanted much to do with the Bible, any type of church, or praying for that matter for about a year or so. I have been very turned off of religion because I had been damaged by it at one point and at the same time was a product of its nasty side. I became part of a cycle that I will never repeat. Also, last year was an emotional rollercoaster ride. I don't think these are excuses but merely reasons for why I left the Bible on the side of the road.

Now, I do think it is important to say that my relationship with Jesus is what matters. I have always known that. However, I am just starting to recover from the things that took me away from Him. Getting back to Him is a slow process because I have to remove the layers of hurt, disappointment, my pride, and all the weight that has kept me chained. Once that is all free from my heart, I have to hand over my expectations of life-- let me tell you, they are beautiful accessories that I have fashioned for myself. They're heart-crafted and tailored by the thoughts of my mind. They have taken a long time to create and I hold them dear. So dear, that I don't want to give them up quite yet. They are valuable and I don't know how HE could make something better... 

That is where I am right now to be honest with you. I am slightly dragging my feet along, but knowing that where I am going is really my heart's home. I am nervous about what I will learn along the way, how it will feel to be free, and where He will take me when I'm all His. This journey will require me to make some changes and to be completely vulnerable. It will not be easy.

But I know if I never start on this path, the chances are slim that I will ever try years from now (maybe but later isn't now). I don't want to come to the end someday and to realize I should have returned to Him when I had the chance.

This is just where I am.
On a lighter note, I am going to a ballet performance tonight with a friend from school. Her husband isn't able to go tonight so she's taking me instead! So excited! We're going to see "Giselle." I am not familiar with this story so I am going to read a little bit about it. :)

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