Monday, June 13, 2011

Craving a Slice of Peace

Consider this a warning and probably TMI but... I am highly hormonal right now. I am quick to get irritable, more emotional than I would like to be, and am feeling thrilled with the fact that I'm in my room with the door shut. (Tiny unrelated side note: yes my calves are very tight and sore today. It's a good sore though!)

I need space. Lots of it. I would do anything to have 24 hours of tranquility. I know I shouldn't complain too much but I am seriously feeling exhausted in all areas but mostly emotional. I'm hoping that writing some of my thoughts down will help to me to breathe a little easier. It's only hope though.

Frayed. That's a good word and definitely describes how I feel (and how I have been feeling for weeks!). 

I have been going non-stop lately. I can blame myself for part of the craziness and then there's the external stuff that has encroached into my mental space and daily business. I don't want to throw a giant "feel bad for me" party but I do need to let some of this frustration out... so bear with me.

Generally, keeping busy is good for me. I like to have responsibilities, opportunities to make money, and to be involved with professionals. However, life has been more than just plain old busy lately- it feels disorganized and chaotic. 

I don't like how lately I've just been going through life but not really living it. I don't feel satisfied. With mom's wrist being broken things have changed some- I'm pulling a lot more weight in our household, changes in jobs, new cat, ESOL endorsement test on Saturday, general running-around/errands, as of today my degree plan has changed drastically (found out I was able to add in a reading endorsement instead of doing the foundational education courses- so much better but an unexpected change), being sick recently and still not 100%,  mom's having eye surgery tomorrow (cataract, nothing serious thankfully!), and other stuff I won't disclose on here... just been too much. Spring semester ended in May, which took out the school factor in my life... So then that left me with just a part-time job and subbing. Then things picked up again with the two weeks of transitioning to the new job... then it was new job and subbing... and now it will be school and part-time job. One thing I am thankful for is that I am taking 3 less credits this summer, a result of this new plan- so that's a little silver lining....

I'm sure this seems like nothing to some people and I do know that this is not an awful life to lead. I'm not saying that by any means-- I am just saying I need a break. We all need a break from time to time.

I want time to smell the roses. I mean that quite seriously too. Honestly, I just want to sit somewhere peaceful in nature, close my eyes, feel the gentle breeze, listen to the birds chirping, the kiss of the sunshine on my skin, and to breathe deeply. That's what I want. I just want all the noise to stop.... and to just live totally in the moment.

We all need this don't we?

Here's to hoping we can find a slice of peace....
*First picture was found online (again- yes I have been in habit of that lately oh well). I searched for the picture in Google Images. 
*2nd picture is actually mine, I took it last summer.

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